Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i've created a new STD.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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