So drunk its hurt
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize