That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
