ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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