ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
