i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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