im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
