But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
