I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
