FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
