She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
