I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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