Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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