The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
