I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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