by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
