dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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