Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
