My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
