she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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