Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I supernannyed him into submission
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
