I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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