I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
