Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
