who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
