dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
