I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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