just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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