Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What a dumb baby whore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
