I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
