Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
