He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
