when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
