why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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