I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize