Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
