my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
