Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
