So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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