I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
