I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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