Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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