i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
