Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
