We're like a lot better than the average bears
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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