separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
