I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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