he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
