Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
