I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
