I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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