bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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