it hurts more in the daytime
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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