I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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