Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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