Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize