You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
