google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
