Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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