my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
