I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you win again, gameday.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
