what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
