fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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