its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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