Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
