woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
