GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
