I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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