she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
