the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
