I never want to see another naked old woman again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
