dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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