im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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