take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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