I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
