why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
