Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
